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The secret of my success

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.” The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. ... Read More »

Shirt Pocket

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini. Finally, the bartender said, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ... Read More »

Future value

A tourist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. “Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years, it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what ... Read More »

Tight Fit

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, “I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what’s wrong with me?” “Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor. “Do you drink much?” “Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teetotaller. Never touch a drop.” “How about smoking?” asked the doctor. “Never,” replied the man. ... Read More »

Cell Phone Etiquette

After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice… “Hi sweetheart it’s Eric, I’m on the train – yes, I ... Read More »

Ex-Wife

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. “Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we are married, I think it’s time you quit hunting, ... Read More »

Cow Horns

A blonde asked a farmer, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, cattle can do a lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep them trimmed down. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow doesn’t have ... Read More »

Stupid Salesman

A travelling salesman’s car breaks down on a deserted road, and he seeks refuge from the evening storm at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer, being a kindly soul, says to the man that he can spend the night and they’ll sort his car out in the morning. “There’s only one small problem,” says the farmer, “We don’t have much room, ... Read More »

Outdoorsman

During my medical examination my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day this way: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 7 miaDuring my medical examination my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day this way: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, ... Read More »

Women Hunters

Three women, a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, “Wow, where did you get that?” She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. ... Read More »

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