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Monthly Archives: July 2014

Meals on Wheels

A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter met the cat at the gate and said, “Welcome. Is there anything you didn’t have on Earth that I can get for you, here in Heaven?”. The cat thought for a moment and said, “Yes, I always had to sleep on a hard floor, could I get a warm soft bed?”. ... Read More »

I Know the Truth

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults hide at least one dark secret and this makes it very easy to blackmail them merely by saying, “I know the whole truth.” So Little Johnny decides to try it out. When he arrives home from school that day, he says to his mother, “I know the whole ... Read More »

Once a Cowboy

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whisky, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’ He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I ... Read More »

Buying Your Ticket

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants ... Read More »

Breaking Up!

George went over to his fiancee’s house and sadly told his girlfriend the wedding was off. He was going to marry another woman. His girlfriend was distraught. She asked, “How can you choose another woman over me? Is she a better cook?” “Not on her best days, she can’t match your everyday cooking.” “Does she buy you gifts like I ... Read More »

A note from mom

John, a well-to-do bachelor, invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the meal, Mom couldn’t help notice how attractive and shapely the house keeper was, and wondered if there was more going on than meets the eye. John sensing what his mother was thinking said to her “I know what you’re thinking, Mom, but I assure you my ... Read More »

Aren’t real

A young woman goes to her doctor after noticing two small circular rash marks one on each side of her inner thigh. The doctor instructs the woman to undress and sit on the table and spread her legs. Sitting between the young womans legs, the doctor looks up at the young woman and asks if she is a lesbian. The ... Read More »

The parrot

So there’s this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too ... Read More »

Burglary Witness

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.” The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?” “Yes, says Sam. “I saw him do ... Read More »

Nun Sees A Naked Man

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died. After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not ... Read More »

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