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Monthly Archives: September 2014

Corruption

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness ... Read More »

Kids, what does..

Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?” Student: “Meat!” Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?” Student: “Bacon!” Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?” Student: “Homework!” Read More »

Knock knock

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.” The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I ... Read More »

Magician

A guy wants to become a magician so he goes out and buys a magician book. Later he gathers his family around the living room for his first trick. Reading his new book he reaches into a bag and pulls out a hammer and to the amazement of his family hits himself in the head with it. He’s unconscious and ... Read More »

Growing Tomatoes

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen,”What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?” The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day ... Read More »

Passing A Parrot

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to ... Read More »

Drinking Problem

Fred was having trouble with a drinking problem and swore that he would correct it with sheer willpower. He had decided to walk straight past the pub without going in. As he approached the doors he kept repeating to himself, “You can do it. You can do it.” The pressure was tough, but Fred persevered, right past he went. Fifty ... Read More »

Silent

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.” Read More »

Birthday Party

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out….. a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out ... Read More »

Lickety-split

The businesswoman, in town for an important meeting, checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags. Noticing that her best suit had been badly wrinkled during her flight, she telephoned the desk and asked the hotel’s valet service to pick it up for pressing. Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock sounded at ... Read More »

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