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Monthly Archives: September 2014

Rash Driving!

A couple hired a new chauffeur. The memsahib asked him to take her out for shopping and was very shaken by the experience. Back home, she pleaded with her husband, “Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He is so rash he nearly killed me three times this morning.” “Darling, don’t be so hasty,” replied the husband, ... Read More »

Use The Word

A pre-school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence?” First a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.” The teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can also be grey or orange.” Then a little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.” “Sorry, but in the autumn the trees are brown.” Johnny from ... Read More »

Husband for sale

A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in Auckland. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: “You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from ... Read More »

Pepsi Genie

It was a black man…..a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out. “You get three wishes, be very careful and don’t spoil them.” “OK, OK,” and without hesitation he says, “first I want to be white. Second, ... Read More »

Switching channels

An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the p0rn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For god’s sake! Leave it on the p0rn channel. You already know how to fish!” Read More »

Holiday Feast

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, “I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other.” The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, “Lady, I’ll do anything ... Read More »

Doctor and patient

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. “I’m about to close,” the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon’s hand and says, “I’m not going to let you do that! I’ll close my own incision!” The doctor hands him the ... Read More »

Experience

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said: “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.” Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, ... Read More »

Have faith

A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock. “HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?” he shouted. A majestic voice boomed through the gorge: “I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.” “Yes, yes, I trust you!” cried the man. “Let ... Read More »

Rulers and Servants!

An American delegation on a visit to India were being shown round the capital. In the evening they were taken to the Secretariat for a panoramic view of Vijay Chowk and Rajpath. Came the closing hour and thousands upon thousands of clerks poured out of their offices. The place was crammed with bicycles and pedestrians. “Who are all these peoples?” ... Read More »

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