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Monthly Archives: October 2014

Mum’s operation

Two women were bemoaning the state of the Health Service. One said, “Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?” “That’s appalling,” said the other woman. “What a terrible way to treat someone of that age.” “I know,” said the first woman. “It got so bad that at one point I even said ... Read More »

The devil herself

A fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the pub. It was not long ... Read More »

Insomnia

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him. “Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.” “I know,” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to ... Read More »

Have no worries

“When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden,” a young woman said to her boyfriend. “That’s very kind of you, darling,” her boyfriend replied: “but I don’t have any worries or troubles.” “Well, that’s because we aren’t married yet.” Read More »

The Will

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: “To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million.” The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business ... Read More »

Dancing

A husband takes his wife dancing. They notice a guy on the dance floor living large, break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.” Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!” Read More »

Banister

A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister. “What are you doing?” he asks. She answers, “Warming up your dinner.” Read More »

Gorilla removal

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy. An hour ... Read More »

Beaver

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it’s a beaver, Johnny.” The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know ... Read More »

Half-Fare Special

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, “What trip?” Read More »

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