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Monthly Archives: November 2014

Thank goodness

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.” Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.” Breathing a sigh ... Read More »

Barber shop

President George Bush and President Barack Obama ended up at the barbershop at the same time. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had President ... Read More »

Irish..

An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, “Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes.” The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, “I’m feeling ... Read More »

Going on vacation

A man is talking to his friend and he says: “I’m about to go on vacation, and I don’t know what to do.” His buddy asks: “Why?” And the man says: “Well, last year’s vacation was Hawaii. I came back, and my wife was pregnant. The year before that was the Bahamas. I came back, and my wife was pregnant. ... Read More »

Blonde Thanksgiving

It was the first time a blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family, so she prepared a dinner by herself. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. “Mom, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” the blonde said. “Did it not taste good?” her mother ... Read More »

Over 21

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted, behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the ... Read More »

Kiss

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, “Do you know what it is? “No, I don’t,” said the little boy “Okay, I’ll give you a clue. It’s the thing your daddy wants from your ... Read More »

Final Exam

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’ A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his ... Read More »

Drummer Problems

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make ... Read More »

Stealing a Bus

Because they’ve spent all their cash on booze during a night on the town, Dave and Eric have no money for a taxi home. Dave has a drunken idea. “Let’s steal a bus!” He persuades Eric to break into the bus station. But 20 minutes later, Eric has failed to emerge. Dave sticks his head round the door. “What on ... Read More »

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