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Monthly Archives: December 2014

Tips for New Year Booze

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet. Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet). Cure: Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward. 2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights. Cause: You’re lying on the floor. Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor. 3. ... Read More »

Problem With Women

“Doc,” said the young man lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nodded, “And what do you do?” “I push them away!” “I see. And what can I ... Read More »

Frog in a bank

A frog walks into a bank. He goes to the only open teller, and sees that her name is Paddy Whack. “Hey, listen” says the frog. “I really need a loan! I’m out of work, and my wife and tadpoles are at home starving! I need money so I can feed them and provide for them!” Now Paddy feels very ... Read More »

Biology lesson

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, “Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it’s normal size, and state the conditions.” Mary gasped and said in a huff, “Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get ... Read More »

You can’t complain

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them ... Read More »

Complaining About the Food

Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, “We’ve been married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the food. Not one night without complaining about the food.” The other woman said, “That’s awful. Doesn’t it bother you?” The first one said, “Not in the slightest.” Said the other woman, “You must be a saint!” To which, ... Read More »

Never Forget The Gift!

The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner. The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside. “You’re all grown men,” he said, “and old enough to ... Read More »

Where’s My Car?

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing ?” he asks the drunk. “I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it.” he replies. “So how does feeling the ... Read More »

Grandma Loves Oranges

A young teenaged girl was a pro$titute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brỏthel and arrested a group of prỏstitutes, including the young girl. The girls were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old ... Read More »

Flowers

A woman tells her friend that Interflora just delivered a bunch of flowers from her husband. “Now I guess he’ll want me to spend the entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air” “Why?” asks her friend “Don’t you have a vase?” Read More »

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