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Monthly Archives: December 2014

Water and Whiskey

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms “Now, class, closely observe the worms,” said the professor while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy ... Read More »

Perfect Match!

A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman… I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.” “Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.” “Yes, there was a girl… once. I guess she ... Read More »

Never been to a strip club

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d ... Read More »

Foreman

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. “You know what a foreman is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and watches the other men work?” “What’s that got to do with it?” he asked. “Well, he just got jealous of me,” Uncle Joe explained. “Everyone thought I was the foreman.” Read More »

Kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “KISS” scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin ... Read More »

Blonde and Psychiatrist

A blonde is speaking to a psychiatrist. Blonde, “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist, “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde, “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist, “Uh … How’s that ... Read More »

Grandson Johnny

So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma’s kitchen. “Well now, where’s my bucket and where’s my water?” Gramma asked him. “I can’t ... Read More »

Blue silk pajamas

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, “I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.” The man rushes home to ... Read More »

Brand new

A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife’s new husband at a party. After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: “So, how do you like using second-hand goods?” “Doesn’t bother me,” the new husband replies. “Once you get past the first three inches, it’s all brand new.” Read More »

The Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?” “Yes, I know,” ... Read More »

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