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Monthly Archives: March 2015

Old flame…

A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame. “Honey,” she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.” Her husband said, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that ... Read More »

Two blondes

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.” Read More »

Unusual affair

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day ... Read More »

Smaller Eggs!

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, “Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!” The Lord said, “Don’t complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. ... Read More »

How much did you make, sweetie?

A wife and husband are having money issues. One day they decide to have the wife work the corner. Later that night the husband goes to pick the wife up. He asks, “How much did you make, sweetie?” She answers, “I made $200.50.” The husband says, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” She replies, “All of them.” Read More »

Which one?

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain, “Please doctor, you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee.” Doctor: “Don’t worry, I’ll put some cream on it.” Man: “You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.” Doctor: “No, you don’t understand! I’ll put some cream on the place ... Read More »

Don’t tell me…

A young couple is on their honeymoon. The husband is sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s bound to find out sooner ... Read More »

A tree full of monkeys

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. Read More »

IDK

Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?” Brunette: “I don’t know.” Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!” Read More »

Answer this..

Teacher: “Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?” Student: “A heart attack.” Read More »

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