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Monthly Archives: June 2015

Explosion

A terrifying explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” says the investigator, “you were near the scene, what happened?” “Well, it’s like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him ... Read More »

A blonde is overweight so her

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you’ll lose at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, “That’s amazing! Did you follow my diet?” The blonde nods. “I ... Read More »

The Truth Be Told

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home. When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the ... Read More »

Good watermelon

At a gynecologists’ convention Dr. Goldfinger began to read his paper on “The Variation of the Clitoris”. “One of the most unusual cases I ever came across,” he told his audience, “was a clitoris that had a close resemblance to a watermelon.” Dr. Goldfinger was interrupted by another doctor, who said that he might have been examining an enlarged organ ... Read More »

Trying to Please Mama

The first woman was elected U.S. president. She called her mom to make sure she was coming to the inauguration. “I don’t know, dear. What would I wear?” “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll send a designer to help you.” “But you know I need special foods for my diet.” “Mom, I’m going to the president. I can get you the food ... Read More »

I Don’t Want to Go

Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: “The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers.” “Oh yeah?” her young grandson replied, “So why is their dad carrying that rifle?” Read More »

12- Pack

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ”Well, you see that 3-pack? That’s for when you’re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.” The son then ... Read More »

One day an employee came in to

One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged. When his boss asked him what happened, he explained: “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!” “Well,” the boss said, “that explains one ear, but what about the other?” “They called back!” Read More »

Golf Emergency

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses. “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re ... Read More »

Kindergarten teacher

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: “Bobby, how ... Read More »

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