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Monthly Archives: July 2015

Those Blond Men

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: Did you find the shampoo? He answers: Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine. A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and ... Read More »

The Proposal!

He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail. This 60th anniversary of their class, they had a wonderful evening, their spirits high. The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at ... Read More »

All About Adam

Wandering dejectedly in The Garden of Eden, Eve told God, “I’m lonely I’m tired of eating apples by myself.” “Okay,” God said, “I’ll create a man for you.” Eve said, “A man! What’s that?” “He’s a creature with aggressive tendencies and an enormous ego. He won’t listen very well, he’ll get lost easily, but never stop to ask for directions. ... Read More »

Grandpa, can you…?

A little girl said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap? “Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied. As she sat on her grandfather’s lap she said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?” “A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog.” The girl said, “Grandpa, will you please, please make ... Read More »

NASA Mars Mission

NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And ... Read More »

A Bit of Gas

“Sister Ann, aren’t you putting on a little weight?” inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach. “Why, no Father,” answered the nun demurely, “It’s just a little gas.” A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. “Oh, just a bit ... Read More »

Driving home

Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming: – Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall! Baaaaam! They hit the wall. The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend: – You good for nothing, I’ve been screaming for you to watch out, why didn’t you? Jim answered him: – IT ... Read More »

Haven’t I seen your face before?

– “Haven’t I seen your face before?” a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. – “You have, Your Honor,” the man answered hopefully. “I gave your son violin lessons last winter.” – “Ah, yes,” recalled the judge. “Twenty years!” Read More »

A young blonde

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and ... Read More »

How was your game, dear?

“How was your game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy. “Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went,” he answered. “But you’re 75 years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?” “But he’s 85 and doesn’t play golf anymore,” protested Jack. “But he’s got ... Read More »

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