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Monthly Archives: September 2015

Breeding Bulls

My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ….. Smiled and said, “He mated 50 ... Read More »

What’s with the nuts?

A guy goes into a bar. He’s sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, “You look great!” He looks around – there’s nobody near him. He hears the voice again, “No really, you look terrific.” The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, “Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!” He then ... Read More »

To Do List

When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: “Send Michelle money every month.” A few days later my brother wrote: “Make payments on car for Jason.” Then my ... Read More »

Doctor vs Mechanic

An engineer was removing the engine parts from a racing car when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him & said, “Look at this engine… I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back. So why do I get such a small salary? and you get huge sums???” Classic reply ... Read More »

I AM

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, groggy and bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap! That must be my husband!” So the man jumped out of the bed scared and naked and jumped out ... Read More »

New secretary…

A guy walked into his friend’s office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. “Hey, what’s up with you?”, he asks. “Oh, its my wife,” replied the man sadly. “She’s hired a new secretary for me.” “Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?” “Neither, He’s bald.” Read More »

Infrequently

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time. They decide it’s finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work. They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel ... Read More »

How retired folks stay happy and occupied

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and ... Read More »

Peanuts

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats ... Read More »

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