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Monthly Archives: October 2015

Having twins

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, “Honey, I have great news! We’re pregnant, and we’re having twins!” The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, “Honey that’s wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we’re having twins?” She nods her head and says, “Well, I bought the twin pack ... Read More »

Anything?!

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam,” she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes “I mean,” she whispers, “I would do anything…” He returns her gaze, “Anything?” “Anything.” His ... Read More »

A bit apprehensive…

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. “Scared, Lieutenant?”, I asked. He replied, “No, just a bit apprehensive.” I asked, “What’s the difference?” He replied, “That means ... Read More »

My Favourite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said ... Read More »

The interested doctor

A concerned woman phones a doctor and says, “Doctor, I’m worried about my husband. He thinks he’s a dog!” “I’m coming over right away,” the doctor says. When the doctor arrives, the woman opens the door, and her husband, on all four, starts wagging his bottom and licking the doctor’s hand. “Interesting”, the doctor says, startled. “I’ll examine him. Make ... Read More »

A local United Way office real

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to ... Read More »

Overpaid

A man goes to get his salary cheque and when he opens it he discovers that his employer has overpaid him by £2000. He decides not to tell anybody and keeps quiet. At the end of the following month when he opens the cheque, he sees that he’s been underpaid by £2000. Fuming, he goes to have it out with ... Read More »

One Wish…

A guy walking along the beach finds a bottle and picks it up. A genie pops out and says, “Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish.” The guys says, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can’t because I’m afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish is ... Read More »

Forgive Your Enemies

The preacher’s Sunday sermon was ‘Forgive Your Enemies.’ He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands. He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady. “Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your ... Read More »

Bad words

Joe’s dad scolded him for breaking a neighbor’s window with a baseball. – “What did he say to you when you broke his window?” asked the father. – “Do you want to hear what he said with or without the bad words?” – “Without, of course.” – “Well, then, he said nothing.” Read More »

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