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Monthly Archives: September 2016

Feels good

A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: “Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day when they come home his ... Read More »

Fear

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She ... Read More »

Why not?

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the ... Read More »

Deep without equipment

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever. The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, a minute later, the same guy joined him. ... Read More »

Three mice

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off ... Read More »

10 miles a day

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds. The blonde follows the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she’d indeed lost twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked ... Read More »

The Birthday gift…

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles.” “She did,” he replied. “But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?” Read More »

Two drops of water

A elderly lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.” The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one’s on me.” ... Read More »

Jumbo jet

A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes. “I’ll have a ‘jumbo jet’,” he said. When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway. He called his waiter over. “Was that the ‘jumbo jet’?” he asked. “Yeah,” the waiter ... Read More »

My husband wants me to ask..

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…” “I know, I know,” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I get asked this all the time. Se x is fine until late in the pregnancy.” “No, ... Read More »

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