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Monthly Archives: September 2016

Better throw it out!

A small boy came running out of the bathroom in tears. “What’s the matter?” asked his father. “I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet.” “Okay, don’t worry, but we’d better throw it out.” So the father fished the toothbrush out of the toilet and put it in the garbage. When he returned, the boy was holding another toothbrush. “Isn’t that ... Read More »

Remember..

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession, even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age.” Read More »

Going Bananas

As part of the admission procedure in a hospital, a nurse will ask the patient if they are allergic to anything. If they are, the nurse prints it on an allergy band that goes on the patient’s wrist. Once when the nurse asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, the woman said she couldn’t eat bananas. Several hours ... Read More »

It’s A Miracle!

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the ... Read More »

Let’s Call It Something Else

Five-year-old Matt, worked with a speech therapist on the ‘ch’ sound, which came out sounding like a ‘k’ sound. The therapist asked him to say chicken. His response sounded more like kitchen. They tried again and again, but it always came out kitchen. Undeterred, she pushed him for one more try. Matt sighed and said, “Why don’t we just call ... Read More »

It’s About My Height

Lady (to her doctor): “What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.” Doctor: “How come?” Lady: “According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches.” Read More »

Sorry for him

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. “After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn’t you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?” the defense attorney prompted. “Yes,” she replied, “I think there was one moment when I felt sorry ... Read More »

Why?

A Spanish patient goes to an English doctor. Doctor: “What is it that’s brought you here?” Patient: “An ambulance. Why?” Read More »

Costs of production

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, “This person will cook for you and wash your clothes; she will always ... Read More »

About reincarnation

A wife was talking to her husband about reincarnation. “What exactly is reincarnation?” he asked. “It’s when you die and come back as something completely different,” she explained. “So,” he suggested, “I could come back as a pig?” She sighed wearily. “You’re not listening, are you?” Read More »

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