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Monthly Archives: October 2016

New gifts

The small girl had recently received a new watch and some perfume, which she was very excited about. Their family asked the pastor over for dinner. The girl wanted so badly to tell the pastor about her new gifts, but her mother insisted she wait until after dinner and not interrupt at meal time. Not able to contain her excitement, ... Read More »

Next generation

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers…” Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when we were ... Read More »

Learning From Teachers

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of ... Read More »

Haircut

A woman took her dog to the parlor for a haircut and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would be fifty dollars, she was outraged. “I only pay thirty for my own haircut,” she said. The groomer said, “That may be true, but then you don’t bite!” Read More »

Unusually deep

A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam. After a moment, he says, “You have an unusually deep vań°ina.” The woman replies, “You don’t have to say it twice.” The doctor says, “I didn’t.” Read More »

Keep your ears from popping..

McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said, “I’m meeting me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ... Read More »

How old?

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. “Wow,” the lady said, “I must have worn these when I was 183.” Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, “How old are you now?” Read More »

What?!?

A plumber was called to woman’s apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived, he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite beautiful and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. “That was my husband,” she said, putting down the ... Read More »

No bike

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, ... Read More »

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