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Monthly Archives: October 2016

Shaking hands

Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved this morning, I cut my face.” The second old fogey one-upped him and said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers.” The third old man ... Read More »

Amateur photographer

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented, “These are very good! You must have a good camera.” He didn’t make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said, “That was a really delicious meal! You must have ... Read More »

Misleading notices

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. “They should not put up such misleading notices,” said Joe. “It said, ‘FINE FOR PARKING HERE’.” Read More »

B positive

Patient: Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group. Nurse: B positive. Patient: Please tell me soon… Nurse: B positive. Patient: Madam, I am positive, but eager to know the blood my group. Read More »

No waves

A wealthy gentleman is taking a sea voyage around the world. After the first night at sea he walks onto the deck and says to the captain, “The sea is so calm. No waves at all. Why has the ship been wobbling the whole night.” “We’ve got five couples of newly-weds on board…” Read More »

Unable to serve

A man walked into a restaurant and saw a sign that read, “We’ll give you $300 if we’re unable to serve you any entree you order.” He sat down and told the waitress he wanted elephant liver on rye. The waitress took the order and left. All of a sudden, the man heard terrible noises coming from the kitchen – ... Read More »

I Can Guess How Many

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, “If I can tell you ... Read More »

Condo of their dreams

The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had had enough and actually pounded ... Read More »

Sharing the work

Bambi, the blonde secretary, was out with an appendicitis. Her co-worker came to visit her in the hospital, and after a short while, the conversation turned to work. “How are things at the office going?” Bambi asked. “Well, they’re all sharing your work. Julie is making the coffee, Brooke is reading all your magazines, and Susan is making it with ... Read More »


A Doctor recently had a patient “drop” in on him for an unscheduled appointment. “What can I do for you today?” the Doctor asked. The aged gentleman replied: “Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath… Doctor, I’m scarred!” The ... Read More »

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