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Monthly Archives: October 2016

Littleman

Patient: Doctor, I have a little man in my head, and he’s cursing all the time! Doctor: Well, this problem is really easy to fix! It will cost you $1000. Patient: Doctor, do you know what the little guy just said? Read More »

Feelings

A woman is breaking up with her fiance. She tells him, “I can’t marry you. My feelings for you have changed.” The man says, “OK, I want my ring back.” The woman says, “I can’t give it back to you. My feelings for the ring haven’t changed”. Read More »

Three hundred years old

There is a guy who arrives to a town in western Spain, he seems like a charlatan and begins to advertise a potion, which supposedly keeps him young despite the fact that he is three hundred years old. A farmer, having doubts, approaches one of his assistants. “Hey, is it really true that this guy has lived three hundred years?” ... Read More »

Worry about warnings

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!” To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings, we only worry about errors.” Read More »

Oh no you’re not!

“First,” said the playboy, “I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.” “Oh no you’re not,” said the girl. “Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.” “Oh no you’re not.” “Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.” “Oh no you’re not.” “Then ... Read More »

Barracks door

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper ... Read More »

NOT to say!

What NOT to say on your wedding night… 1. You woke me up for that? 2. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? 3. Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere? Read More »

What is it called?

Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?” His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” ... Read More »

I would like to try it

Two guys are driving along in a car when they see two dogs mating in someone’s yard. The driver says, “That is great. Me and my wife do that every night.” The passenger replies, “My wife is conservative, she likes the old fashioned way. But if you tell me how you get your wife to do this, I would like ... Read More »

Sick

Billy Bob started a new construction job on a Tuesday, worked the rest of the week and on the following Monday morning, calls his foreman. “Boss, I’m not gonna make it in today…I’m sick.” He shows up Tuesday morning, works the rest of the week and the following Monday, sure enough, he calls the foreman. “Boss, not gonna make it ... Read More »

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