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Monthly Archives: November 2016

Brown eyes cheat

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said, “Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?” “No, I didn’t know that,” The man replied. “So what color are your wife’s eyes?” asked the friend. The man replied, “I’m too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home ... Read More »

I recognized..

The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. “My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!” the shaken man told the cop. “The car hit you from behind,” the officer said. “How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?” “I recognized the laugh!” Read More »

The End is Near!

A local priest and a local pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the ... Read More »

Two blonde friends

Two blonde friends were going on a trip to Florida. A neighbor told them that they’d be fine as long as they paid attention to the road signs along the way. They’d driven just 30 miles when they saw one that read “Clean Restrooms Ahead.” Two months later they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, ... Read More »

Following orders

Doctor: I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse? Patient: I was just following your orders, Doc. Doctor: Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order. Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me. Read More »

After ten years

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.” Read More »

Mommy Bear

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into ... Read More »

Confessions

Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, “You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long.” The second lady ... Read More »

The first one

The farmer’s daughter was about to go to bed with her blind date when she burst into tears. “I’m afraid you’ll get the wrong idea about me,” she said between sobs. “I’m really not that kind of girl!” “I believe ya,” her date said, as he tried to comfort her. “You’re the first one,” she gulped. “The first one to ... Read More »

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