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Monthly Archives: November 2016

Are you crazy?

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “Sticking your thumb in my steak?!” “What?” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?” Read More »

Keep an eye on

A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately. After about a week of no news the business man received a telegram: “The man who comes to visit your wife ... Read More »

$2 model

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman. “Anything from $2 to $2,000.” “Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man’s neck, and said: “You just stick this button in your ... Read More »

Old Aunt Dora

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night.” “No,” the doctor ... Read More »

Complete and finished

There is a subtle but important difference between the words “complete” and “finished.” When you marry the right one, you are complete. When you marry the wrong one, you are finished. And if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished. Read More »

My mum told me..

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises. He pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam. So, both boys decided to stay and watch her. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, ... Read More »

If only..

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, “PIG!” The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, “B****!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes ... Read More »

Who’s been?

A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling “Who’s been screwing my wife?” A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, “You don’t have enough ammo, mate!” Read More »

Talented blonde artist

Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he’d been recommended to paint him in the nude. “No,” the talented blonde artist said. “I don’t do that sort of thing.” “But what if I double your fee?” he pleaded. “Nope, sorry. Won’t do it.” “How about I give you five times what ... Read More »

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