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Monthly Archives: January 2017

Volume Control

It seemed that all our appliances had broken in the same week, and repairs were straining our budget. So when I picked up the kids from school and our Jeep started making rattling sounds, I decided that rather than burden my husband, I’d deal with it. When we got home, the kids rushed right into the house with the news. ... Read More »

Long Life

Doctor: You’re in good health. You’ll live to be 80. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you. Read More »

Baby brother or sister

For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher ... Read More »

Seven Dollar Hair Cuts

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters’ place. They put up a big bold sign which read: “WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!” Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: “WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!” Read More »

Hear Mommy say

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these ... Read More »

Got any more?

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things – chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. ... Read More »

A Porsche costs

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs…” “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.” So the parents began to yell even ... Read More »

Teaching to swim

A member of the country club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. “It takes considerable time and technique,” replied the guard. “First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly…” “This is certainly ... Read More »

Solve the problem

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. “We’ve been trying for months now, doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably. “I’m sure we’ll solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her. “If you’ll just take off your ... Read More »

Three came after two

Eileen’s two-year-old great-grandson was excited about having his birthday in a few days. When asked how old he would be, he always said he would be four and held up four fingers. His mother tried to explain that he would be three, that three came after two, but he wasn’t convinced. He told her that he had to be four ... Read More »

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