January 2017

Monthly Archives

Latest stories

  • Anger management

    Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet. Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush. More

  • Accidents

    A cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. “Ever have an accident?” “Nope, nary a one.” “None? You’ve never had any accidents?” “Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.” “Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t […] More

  • Requirements

    A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested, “I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.” The officer said, “Your requirements, please.” “Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, […] More

  • Mess maker

    A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can’t imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things.” The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I […] More

  • Baby inside

    A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?! More

  • Mud bath

    A guy goes to see his doctor, and the doctor says, “Well, I’m afraid you have six weeks to live.” The guy says, “Oh damn, well what should I do doctor?” The doctor tells him, “You should take a mud bath once a day for the next six weeks,” and the guy asks, “Why? Is […] More

  • Would you please do me a favor?

    A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want […] More

  • Sounds great!

    An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, Extremely sensitive to my […] More

  • Loud Disturbance

    My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. “Hello,” she whispered. “Hi, honey. How’s your mother?” I asked. “She’s sleeping,” she answered, again in a whisper. “Did she go to the doctor?” “Yes. She got some medicine,” my niece said softly. “Well, don’t […] More

  • Help Wanted

    The candidate was interviewing for a job at a phone answer center and was asked to make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green. After thinking about it for a couple of minutes, the reply was, “When the phone goes GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, I PINK up the phone and say YELLOW!” She got […] More

  • Predict the Weather

    To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong […] More

  • I have news

    A woman goes away on vacation and has her brother watch her cat. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her that the cat is dead. The woman immediately goes into hysterics, really upset and says, “You can’t tell a person bad news like that. […] More

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