March 2017

Monthly Archives

Latest stories

  • Fresh Flowers

    There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?” I asked. “What’s the point?” my husband said. “They die after about a week.” “So could you,” I shot back, “but I still like […] More

  • A man in a hurry

    A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. “Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” the man said. “Aw, Dad, it’s probably okay,” the son said. “The police car right behind us just did the same thing.” More

  • Half

    A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of […] More

  • Poor Aunt Mildred

    A small boy turned to his Aunt Mildred and said, “Wow, you’re not pretty!” His mother overheard the remark and was appalled. She took him aside and gave him a real telling-off before ordering him to go back out to say sorry to Aunt Mildred Suitably chastened, the boy went over and said quietly, “Aunt […] More

  • Future plans

    A couple in their early seventies were discussing their future plans. The husband asked, “What will you do if I die before you?” The wife thought for a moment before replying, “I will probably look to share a house with three other single or widowed women, maybe people a little younger than me since I […] More

  • Trying something different

    A church minister decided to try something a little different for his Sunday sermon. He told his congregation: “I am going to call out a single word, and I want you to sing a hymn that immediately springs to mind.” First, the minister shouted out: “Cross.” And the congregation started to sing in unison: “The […] More

  • Wake up!

    Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would […] More

  • You can count on us!

    King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade. Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Gwenivere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine. Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down. One by one, […] More

  • Modern Garage Door Opener

    My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.” “I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage. More

  • Few days

    The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there’s his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks, “Can I stay here for a few days?” The man says, “Sure you can.” And he closes the door. More

  • I’m Still Ahead

    My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. “I have a higher IQ, did better on my SAT’s, and make more money than you,” she pointed out. “Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead,” I said. She looked mystified. “How do you figure?” “I married […] More

  • Pay them with a smile

    A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to […] More

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