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Monthly Archives: March 2017

Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?” I asked. “What’s the point?” my husband said. “They die after about a week.” “So could you,” I shot back, “but I still like having you around.” Read More »

A man in a hurry

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. “Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” the man said. “Aw, Dad, it’s probably okay,” the son said. “The police car right behind us just did the same thing.” Read More »

Half

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long ... Read More »

Poor Aunt Mildred

A small boy turned to his Aunt Mildred and said, “Wow, you’re not pretty!” His mother overheard the remark and was appalled. She took him aside and gave him a real telling-off before ordering him to go back out to say sorry to Aunt Mildred Suitably chastened, the boy went over and said quietly, “Aunt Mildred, I’m sorry you’re not ... Read More »

Future plans

A couple in their early seventies were discussing their future plans. The husband asked, “What will you do if I die before you?” The wife thought for a moment before replying, “I will probably look to share a house with three other single or widowed women, maybe people a little younger than me since I am still active for my ... Read More »

Trying something different

A church minister decided to try something a little different for his Sunday sermon. He told his congregation: “I am going to call out a single word, and I want you to sing a hymn that immediately springs to mind.” First, the minister shouted out: “Cross.” And the congregation started to sing in unison: “The Old Rugged Cross.” Next he ... Read More »

Wake up!

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the ... Read More »

You can count on us!

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade. Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Gwenivere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine. Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight ... Read More »

Modern Garage Door Opener

My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.” “I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage. Read More »

Few days

The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there’s his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks, “Can I stay here for a few days?” The man says, “Sure you can.” And he closes the door. Read More »

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