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Monthly Archives: August 2017

Raising Money

Humpty: I want to paint my bicycle but I don’t have money to buy the paint! Dumpty: Once when I needed money I sold my watch. Why don’t you sell your watch and get the money? Humpty: No, not my watch! It belonged to my grandfather. But you have given me an idea. The Next Day… Humpty: I got the ... Read More »

Scratch, Scratch

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident – body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on boulevard.” He then scratches out his spelling error. “Head on boulevard.” Nope, doesn’t look right – scratch scratch. “Head on boulevard…” dang it! Scratch, scratch. ... Read More »

Can I Park Here?

A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?” “No, sorry.” says the cop. “What about all these other cars?” “Well, they didn’t ask.” Read More »

Zero in Math

Dad was angry when he saw that his son scored a zero in math. “Son, can you explain this to me?” “Well dad, the teacher didn’t have any stars left to give me, so she gave me a moon!” Read More »

Checking Out a Romance

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books. After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking ... Read More »

Cutting Class

“Jill,” a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, “do you mind telling me whose class you’re cutting this time?” “Like,” the young teen replied, “uh, see, okay, like it’s like, I really don’t like, think like, that’s really important, y’know, like because I’m, y’know, like I don’t get anything out of it.” “It’s Mrs. Dull’s English class, isn’t it?” ... Read More »

14 Year Courtship

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He ... Read More »

Just a visit

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a ... Read More »

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