Animal Jokes | Hot Jokes

Bring on Your Rats

The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer. “Get to work,” the […] More

Four animals

Four animals a Snake, a Cock, a Cat and a Centipede, all heavy smokers, were playing cards together. When the cigarettes run out, the snake, the big brother, said, “Cock, go out and get some packs! You know, I have NO legs.” “But why me?” said the Cock, “I have only TWO legs!” So, the […] More

Hamster to the vet

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature, the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet’s diagnosis, the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and […] More

Talking Dog For Sale

This guy sees a sign in front of a house “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.”You talk?” he asks.”Yep,” the mutt replies.”So, what’s your story?”The mutt looks up […] More

Animal Pictures

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a […] More

The Rare Parrot

A young man’s mother was now living in the big city and he didn’t see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his […] More

Pet Monkey

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs it into his mouth and swallows it. Bartender freaks and starts yelling about how much cue balls cost , etc. The guy tries to calm him down and tells him the monkey will pass […] More

Squirrels are Nuts!

A pedestrian stepped off the curb to cross the street and a car suddenly came screaming around the corner and headed straight for him. He started to run, trying to get out of the way but the car changed lanes and was still coming at him. He turned around to go back to the curb […] More