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Which one?

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain, “Please doctor, you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee.” Doctor: “Don’t worry, I’ll put some cream on it.” Man: “You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.” Doctor: “No, you don’t understand! I’ll put some cream on the place ... Read More »

The Breathalyzer Test

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the ... Read More »

The good news

A man goes into the hospital for some tests. The medical staff knocks him out, and when he comes around there is a doctor peering over him, pulling up his eyelid and wielding the reflex hammer. The doctor says: “Ah, I’m glad you’re awake. I’m afraid I have some good news and some bad news.” The man says: “Don’t hold ... Read More »

WW, WA, and ATR

A guy walks into a bathroom, sits down, and notices three buttons in front of him marked, WW, WA, and ATR. Curiosity gets the better of him so he decides to press WW. Suddenly, warm water sprays up his rear. “Mmmm,” he says to himself. “That was good.” So he presses WA and a jet of warm air dries his ... Read More »

Mud bath

A guy goes to see his doctor, and the doctor says, “Well, I’m afraid you have six weeks to live.” The guy says, “Oh damn, well what should I do doctor?” The doctor tells him, “You should take a mud bath once a day for the next six weeks,” and the guy asks, “Why? Is that supposed to help?” and ... Read More »

Would you please do me a favor?

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ... Read More »

Problem With Women

“Doc,” said the young man lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nodded, “And what do you do?” “I push them away!” “I see. And what can I ... Read More »

Silent and Odourless Farts!

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. “My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t ... Read More »

Hospital Trolley

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man ... Read More »

The Dentist

The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man’s tooth. ‘No way! No needles. I hate needles’ the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to ... Read More »

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