Doctor Jokes

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  • What A Clown

    A man goes to a doctor. He says he is depressed. He says life seems harsh and cruel. He says he feels all alone in a threatening world, where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. The doctor says the treatment is simple. The great clown Terrifini is in town tonight. Go and see him. […] More

  • Hearing problems

    An elderly retired gentleman had had severe hearing problems for some time. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before. One month later, the elderly man went back again to […] More

  • He Told Me

    In a psychiatrist’s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, “Why are you here?” The second answers, “I’m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.” The first is curious and asks, “How do you know that you’re Napoleon?” The second responds, “God told me I was.” At […] More

  • Freud’s patient..

    One of Sigmund Freud’s early patients rushed out into an Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a coffee house. Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst out crying. Her friend begged her to share what was wrong. “Oh, it’s just terrible,” she wailed. “Today the doctor told me I’m […] More

  • Arm troubles

    A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor,” says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!” says the doctor. ”I see the […] More

  • A trip to the doctor

    A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, “Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice cooter.” “Excuse me?” says the husband. “That’s what the doctor said. My problem is that […] More

  • Where Did They Go?

    Brian, one of the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, bumped into his Dr. one day at the supermarket. “Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!” “Wow! What wonderful news Brian! I’m so happy for you!” his Dr. […] More

  • My Son’s #1 Concern

    When my three-year-old was told 
to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With 
a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?” More

  • Loving Wife!

    After examining a patient the doctor took his wife aside and told her that her husband was gravely ill but there were 3 things she could do to ensure his survival. 1. Give him three nutritious meals every day. 2. Do not nag him. 3. Make love to him every night. While driving back home […] More

  • Health Minister

    The health minister is visiting a psychiatric ward. He asks the head of psychology, “How do you determine if a patient is cured.” The psychologist explains: “We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub.” “I see,” says the […] More

  • Same things as you do

    A man went to the doctor feeling very depressed. “What you need,” said the doctor, “is some companionship. Go out and find a girl who likes to do the same things as you do.” “But doc, why would I want a girl who likes whistling at other girls!” More

  • Bleeding Man

    Perhaps you’ve heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. […] More

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