Doctor Jokes

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  • Nurses Tricks

    Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, “I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn’t hear. The second nurse said, “Well, I did worse […] More

  • 4 Doctors

    Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.” The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical […] More

  • Following orders

    Doctor: I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse? Patient: I was just following your orders, Doc. Doctor: Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order. Patient: You told me to avoid people […] More

  • The Practicing Doctor

    My doctor says she’s been practicing medicine for ten years… I asked her to call me when she’s done practicing and gets serious. More

  • Is it serious?

    The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the […] More

  • Thirty..

    Doctor to patient’s husband: “I’m sorry. We did all that was humanly possible but we just can’t wake her from her coma. It doesn’t look good I’m afraid.” “But doctor, she’s so young. She’s only thirty-nine.” Upon which the comatose wife said weakly… “Thirty-seven.” More

  • Unusually deep

    A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam. After a moment, he says, “You have an unusually deep vaġina.” The woman replies, “You don’t have to say it twice.” The doctor says, “I didn’t.” More

  • B positive

    Patient: Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group. Nurse: B positive. Patient: Please tell me soon… Nurse: B positive. Patient: Madam, I am positive, but eager to know the blood my group. More

  • Treat a cough

    The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I […] More

  • A Risk For All Seasons

    My elderly mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk. Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too!” More

  • Anything I can do?

    A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. “That’s such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn’t there anything I can do?” pleaded the patient. “Marry a lawyer,” the doctor advised. “It will be the longest six months of your […] More

  • An Apple A Day

    Jake came rushing in to see his Dad. “Dad!” he puffed, “Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” “That’s what they say,” said his Dad. “Well, give me an apple quick! I’ve just broken the doctor’s window!” More

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