Doctor Jokes

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  • Boy Scout on the plane

    A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy scout and a pastor were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that […] More

  • Doctors & Diagnosis

    A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring . The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds , so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house , a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to […] More

  • Too Much Analysis

    Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall. One turned to the other and said, “Hello.” The other one thought, “I wonder what he meant by that.” More

  • The Dentist

    Man goes to see dentist and asks “How much to pull two wisdom teeth?” Dentist says “$100.00.” Man says, “too much. Can’t you do it for less?” Dentist says “I can do it for $50 if I cut out the novacaine.” Man says, “that’s better but still too much. Can’t we do it any cheaper?” […] More

  • Constipated Worker

    A construction worker tells his doctor, “I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, “Lean over the table.” After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his ass, with a baseball bat. A loud “CRACK!” is heard, and the doctor sends the man to the bathroom. After coming out of […] More

  • Anything like this before?!

    A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover […] More

  • Are you in great pain?

    Doctor: You have a broken leg, a broken arm, four fractured ribs, and probably a brain concussion. Are you in great pain? Patient: Only when I laugh! More

  • The interested doctor

    A concerned woman phones a doctor and says, “Doctor, I’m worried about my husband. He thinks he’s a dog!” “I’m coming over right away,” the doctor says. When the doctor arrives, the woman opens the door, and her husband, on all four, starts wagging his bottom and licking the doctor’s hand. “Interesting”, the doctor says, […] More

  • Playing Doctor

    Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. “Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?” “Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” “Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for […] More

  • Doctor vs Mechanic

    An engineer was removing the engine parts from a racing car when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him & said, “Look at this engine… I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back. So why do I get such a small salary? and you […] More

  • Some Last Minute Requests

    A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […] More

  • It’s Quite Complicated

    Doctor: Your case is quite complicated. Patient: Why doctor? What happened? Doctor: You got a disease from the chapter which I left as optional during my studies. More

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