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They Got Mom!

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home, collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?” Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they ... Read More »

Tell Me Stories

Tom to his mom: “Mom, please tell me a story?” Mom: “Sorry, honey, I don’t have any new stories to tell. But you should ask your dad why he was late coming home today. He will then tell you some amazing stories.” Read More »

How to Say No to Smoking

I discussed peer pressure and cigarettes with my 12-year-old daughter. Having struggled for years to quit, I described how I had started smoking to “be cool”. As I outlined the arguments kids might make to tempt her to try it, she stopped me mid-lecture, saying, “Hey, I’ll just tell them my mom smokes. How cool can it be?” Read More »

A Home Affair

My client buys many rental properties, not always with the 
enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered. “Oh, thank God,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.” Read More »

Home Improvement

Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan. I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts: “Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category ... Read More »

They Do Look Alike

My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter. “So, Katie,” said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, “who’s coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?” Katie replied, “I think it’s my Uncle Brian.” Read More »

Few days

The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there’s his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks, “Can I stay here for a few days?” The man says, “Sure you can.” And he closes the door. Read More »

Smokey Dinner Call

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I ... Read More »

Rounding Up for A Better Start

My sister decided to go on a diet, and that first evening she phoned me. I could tell her mouth was full, so I asked her what she was eating. “A cupcake,” she mumbled. “I just got on the scale, and it read 149 1/2 pounds. I decided that was no place to start a diet, so I’m rounding it ... Read More »

Lunch Break

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father. “How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?” I shrieked. Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked—the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he ... Read More »

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