Family Jokes

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  • Little girl curiosities

    A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while and then said, […] More

  • The Supportive Younger Brother

    Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and her younger brother, “Nobody loves me…the whole world hates me!” Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up […] More

  • How Was Your Exam?

    Father: You better pass that exam or else forget that I’m your father. Son: Ok, dad. Next day Father: How was your exam? Son: Who are you? More

  • Wise Fatherly Words

    An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son. “Don’t be nervous, son, just do your best and remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is […] More

  • Vanishing Cream

    During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around […] More

  • Hunting flies

    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting flies” he responded. “Oh. Killing any?” she asked. “Yes, three males and two Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell?” He replied, “Three were on a beer can, two […] More

  • Too Many Mistakes

    Johnny’s English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper. “This is the worst essay I have ever had the misfortune of reading,” ranted the teacher. “It has too many mistakes. […] More

  • Not Again!!!

    After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age […] More

  • Mother-In-Law

    A husband and wife had a fight. Wife called her mom: He fought with me again, I am coming to stay with you. Mom: No dear, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you! More

  • Reasonable woman

    Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, […] More

  • One Sunday morning

    One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. “Son, I have to talk with you. […] More

  • Most Obedient

    There was a father who called his 5 small children together. As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle. He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them. He asked them, […] More

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