Breaking News
Home » Holiday Jokes

Category Archives: Holiday Jokes

Feed Subscription

Not at Home!

A visitor to Santa, “Which is Mr Santa’s flat?” Santa: Please come with me. The visitor is taken on stairs to the 3rd floor. The visitor rings the bell and there is no response. He rings it again and again and still no one answers. Visitor: I think he is not in. Santa: Yeah, he has gone out. He’ll be ... Read More »

Stick this

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and nothing was going right. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and the sleigh was broken. Santa was furious. ‘I can’t believe it!’ he yells. ‘I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours – ... Read More »

Christmas Eve

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas tree. He is allowed entry ... Read More »

Knowing the Territory

It was my friend’s first camping trip with her husband, and they were lost. He tried all the usual tactics to determine direction—moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun (it was overcast), and so on. Just as she began to panic, he spotted a cabin in the distance. “This way,” he said as he led her ... Read More »

What’s the Quickest Way?

An American tourist was visiting a small village in Newfoundland. He approached a local person and asked, “What’s the quickest way to Marystown?” The local, scratched his head, “Are ya walkin’ er drivin’?” he asked the stranger. “I’m driving,” said the stranger. “Well, that’s the quickest way.” Read More »

Celebrating

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job. Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks. However, it wasn’t his glowing ... Read More »

Flight Test For Santa

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). It was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He ... Read More »

Santa Claus

A beautiful young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl says in a sexy voice, “Oh Santa, please stay.” Santa replies, “HO HO HO! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta ... Read More »

Rudolf

John and his wife Mary go away to Russia for Christmas and meet up with a local lad named Rudolf. One day they are sitting outside a cafe and John says “how lovely, it’s starting to snow” Rudolf corrects him and says “no John that’s rain”. John insists it’s starting to snow and Rudolf insists it’s rain. Mary turns to ... Read More »

You can’t complain

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them ... Read More »

Scroll To Top