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Pregnant with twins

A blonde goes to the doctor’s and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what’s wrong. She replies, “I know who the dad is for one of them but I don’t know who the dad is for the other one!” Read More »

Silent

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.” Read More »

Not to peek

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into ... Read More »

Salad for Dinner

I came home from work this evening and said to my wife, “Are we having salad for dinner?” “Yes we are, how did you know?” she asked. I replied, “Because I can’t hear the smoke alarm.” Read More »

Parrot In Flight

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whiskey!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains ... Read More »

Strange People Are Here

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are some really strange people living ... Read More »

Didn’t expect

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t tell the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me, my dear, my stomach aches, ... Read More »

Flowers Again

As he was standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter, a friend of John’s noticed he was purchasing a dozen roses and a card. “You in trouble with Jill?” the friend asked John. “Nope!” was John’s reply. “Preventive maintenance.” Read More »

Funny question

An elephant and a camel are talking. The elephant asks, “Why do you have boobs on your back?” The camel replied, “Ha! That’s a funny question coming from an animal with a pe**s hanging from his face.” Read More »

Two new organs

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.” Smiling, The Lord explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create ... Read More »

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