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Drunkard’s Truth!

Late one Friday night the policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was ... Read More »

What do they say?

A lady approaches her priest and says, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquires. “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’” “That’s terrible,” the priest exclaims, “but I have a solution to your ... Read More »

Stunningly Beautiful…

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend.” He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s ... Read More »

Biggest Lie

The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. “Nothing much, father,” replied one boy. “We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their s*x life.” “Boys, boys, boys!” he scolded. “I’m shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about s*x.” ... Read More »

Do the same thing

A boss called one of his workers into the office. “Now listen, Simms, you’re going to have to pull your socks up or I’ll have to sack you. For the past few weeks you’ve been constantly late, you’ve made silly mistakes and you’ve not been civil to your fellow workers. What do you have to say for yourself?” “I’m sorry, Sir. Things aren’t right ... Read More »

Just Pull the Plug…

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room. Husband, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer. Read More »

Dead or alive

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas.  The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he ... Read More »

Surprising the cow

The farmer and his wife are entertaining the local bigwigs when their son runs in and announces to his father in a loud voice, “Dad, dad, the bull’s f**king the cow.” After a moment of shocked silence, the farmer turns to his son and calmly says, “Next time, son, be a little less explicit. You should have said. “The bull is surprising the cow. That ... Read More »

The Picture Diet!

A married lady, visited her elderly parents’ home. When she opened refrigerator, she was shocked to see inside a picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman in two-piece bikini. Lady: Mom, what’s this? Mom: Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat. Lady: Is it working? Mom: Yes and No. I’ve lost 8 kilos, ... Read More »

Lamaze Class

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.” The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it ... Read More »

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