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Hobbies of Husband

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He couldn’t control his curiosity and asked, “Do you always carry your TV remote with you?” She replied, “No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today… The story continues… The shopkeeper laughs and ... Read More »

I’m Jesus Christ!!!

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, “I’m Jesus Christ.” The first priest says, “No, son, you’re not.” So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, “No, son, you’re not.” The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. He walks back into the bar with the two ... Read More »

Old Crush!

A husband takes the wife to a night club. There’s aguy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works! The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!” The husband says, “Looks to me like he’s still celebrating!!!” Read More »

Dr`s Receptionist

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my d*ck,” he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.” “Why not? You asked me what was ... Read More »

Basic Maths!

The school teacher was taking the class in basic maths. She said to little Johnny, “If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many have you got?” “Seven,” replied Johnny. “No, Johnny,” explained the teacher. “That’s not the right answer. Listen. If I give you two apples, then I add another two apples and ... Read More »

What do I look like?

A man came home from work one day and his wife asked him to fix the toilet. The man says “who do i look like the plumber?” and never fixed it…. The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. The man says “who do i look like a blad specialist?” and ... Read More »

Can of Peas!

This 60-year old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge, he asked her, “What did you steal?” She replied, “A can of peaches.” The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She ... Read More »

Fire!

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, “Jump! Jump! It`s your only chance to survive!” The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away…the Brunette slams into the ... Read More »

(R)ear drops!

A Blonde brought her baby in to see the doctor, and right away he determined that baby had an ear ache. Doctor wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman ... Read More »

A real hurry!

A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive thirty-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him. Then, without pausing, he downs each one. “Whew,” the bartender remarks, “you seem to be in a hurry.” “You would be, too, if you had what I have.” “What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asks. “Fifty ... Read More »

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