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Thanksgiving turkey

One Thanksgiving, a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, “Happy Thanksgiving!” Without hesitation my friend knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, “He gave you the bird!” Read More »

Designated decoy

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, ... Read More »

The way you are thinking

Teacher: Johnny, if there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot 1 with your gun, how many will be left? Johnny: None, the rest will fly away. Teacher: Well, the answer is 4, but i like the way you are thinking. Johnny: I have a question for you; if 3 women are eating ice cream cones in ... Read More »

Crow Kills!

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during ... Read More »

Constipated Worker

A construction worker tells his doctor, “I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, “Lean over the table.” After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his ass, with a baseball bat. A loud “CRACK!” is heard, and the doctor sends the man to the bathroom. After coming out of the bathroom, the construction worker ... Read More »

The answer

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, “I guess we answered that question!” Read More »

No Backseat Blonde

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. “No!” yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. “For the last time, no!” says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, “Well, why the hell not?” ... Read More »

How were people born?

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran ... Read More »

Beautiful…

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and ... Read More »

Dead Again

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end ... Read More »

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