Lawyer Jokes | Hot Jokes

Slander

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested. “Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.” More

Fishing in the Caribbean

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” “That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a […] More

The will to live…

A man went to his lawyer and said: “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” The lawyer says “No problem, leave it all to me”. The man looks somewhat upset … “Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I’d like […] More

New Secretary

Two High Court lawyers hired a secretary from a small town in the hills. She was attractive, and really hot but it was obvious that she knew nothing about city life. One attorney said to the other, “Our secretary is so young, pretty and naive that she might be taken advantage of by some of […] More

NASA Mars Mission

NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million […] More

Classic Comeback

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman’s credibility. Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir. But I subsequently […] More

Burglary Witness

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.” The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?” “Yes, says […] More

Lawyer Vacancy

There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside […] More

Sue Over The Property

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. […] More

Long Tour of Duty

I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. A minute later, a few maintenance […] More

Can I take his place?

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. “So, what is it?” grumbled the governor. “Judge Garber has just died” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.” The governor replied: “Well, […] More

I Need a Job

Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough consultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can use already.” Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk. If you […] More

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