Breaking News
Home » Lawyer Jokes (page 2)

Category Archives: Lawyer Jokes

Feed Subscription

Slander

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested. “Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.” Read More »

Fishing in the Caribbean

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” “That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company ... Read More »

Let’s be honest

Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case. “Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.” “Okay, you first,” replied the other. That was the end of the discussion. Read More »

Guess who

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding ... Read More »

Lawyers Get Robbed

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two’s hand. Without looking down, ... Read More »

The Old Lawyer….

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.” What do you mean he replied, “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?” “45? You’re not 45, you’re 82” replied ... Read More »

Divorce Counselling

A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant. “So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.” The wife flared up. “You mean the $4,000 I ... Read More »

Lawyers On A Flight

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing ... Read More »

The lawyer was cross-examining

The lawyer was cross-examining a witness. “Isn’t it true, “he bellowed, “that you were given $500.00 to throw this case?” The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction – no response. Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer ... Read More »

A fun game

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game ... Read More »

Scroll To Top