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Terrible news

This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office. His lawyer says: “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” “Give me the bad news first,” he says. “Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars,” his lawyer informs him. “That’s the bad news?” asks the man incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.” “The ... Read More »

I Need a Job

Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough consultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can use already.” Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk. If you have too many, I’ll start ... Read More »

Corruption

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness ... Read More »

A New York Lawyer

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a ... Read More »

Two lions

Two lions were lying around in the jungle. One of them his licking his a$$hole. The other lion asked him, “Why are you licking your a$$hole?” The second lion replied, “Aww, I just ate a lawyer and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth.” Read More »

New Secretary

Two High Court lawyers hired a secretary from a small town in the hills. She was attractive, and really hot but it was obvious that she knew nothing about city life. One attorney said to the other, “Our secretary is so young, pretty and naive that she might be taken advantage of by some of those fast-talking city guys. Why ... Read More »

Playing Smart

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at ... Read More »

Lawyer Vacancy

There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, “Why did you ... Read More »

Burglary Witness

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.” The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?” “Yes, says Sam. “I saw him do ... Read More »

A Forester And Lawyer

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto ... Read More »

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