Marriage Jokes

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  • Would you remarry?

    One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, “If I died, would you remarry?” Peter thought for a second then said, “Yeah I guess I would”. Then his the wife asked, “Well, would you have her as your golfing partner?” Peter replied, “Yep I probably would do that […] More

  • Going On Vacation

    A housewife answered the door bell to find two beggars outside. “So you’re begging in two’s now?” she asked. “No, only for today,” one of them replied. “I’m showing my replacement the ropes before going on vacation.” More

  • After dating

    After dating a young lady for some time a young man decides it is time to marry her. He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes. On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan. […] More

  • Goddess of wisdom

    During a museum tour the guide explains, “Here you can see the beautiful statue of Athena…” “Excuse me, madam,” a visitor interjects. “Who is that man behind her? Is he her husband?” “No, Athena wasn’t married: she was the goddess of wisdom.” More

  • True bravery

    True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys, then being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask: “Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?” More

  • Anger management

    Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet. Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush. More

  • Requirements

    A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested, “I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.” The officer said, “Your requirements, please.” “Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, […] More

  • Mess maker

    A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can’t imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things.” The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I […] More

  • Way to a lecture

    On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer. ‘I’m on my way […] More

  • Will I be acquitted?

    In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.” Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman’s lined face, […] More

  • The happiest day

    Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage. He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “Congratulations Harry! I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty-two years, and I am sure that you will always […] More

  • What in bag?

    Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod […] More

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