Marriage Jokes

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  • Husband in a Good Mood

    Darling, remember 25 years ago… I had a rented one-room apartment, a table fan, a black & white tv and a cycle to use. But, at night I used to sleep beside a 25 yr old beautiful girl. Now I own a luxurious bungalow with, 4 LED TVs, a Limousine and a Porsche, servants… but […] More

  • If I died..

    Wife: “Would you get a girlfriend again if I died?” Husband: “Of course not.” Wife: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?” Husband: “Ok, I would marry again.” (annoyed) Wife: “Oh…” (sad) Husband: -silence- Wife: “Would you live in our house?” Husband: “Sure, it’s a great house.” Wife: “Would you two sleep in our bed?” […] More

  • Half-Fare Special

    One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, “What […] More

  • Wishful thinking

    A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.” The next-door […] More

  • Hunting With A Wife

    A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “when did you bag him?” The host said, “that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.” “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My wife.” More

  • Attitude

    A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband — who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her […] More

  • Religious differences

    My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences. She thought she was God. I disagreed. More

  • Unlucky Husbands

    Two women friends met after many years. “Tell me,” said one, “What happened to your son?” “My son? the poor, poor lad!” sighed the other. “What an unfortunate marriage he made to a girl who won’t do a stitch of work in the house. She won’t cook, she won’t sew, she won’t wash or clean. […] More

  • In the graveyard!

    An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral. Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there. About two months […] More

  • Time to chat

    Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat. “I’m sorry dear,” said Bill, “but I’m up to my neck in work today. I don’t have time to chat.” Sally replied, “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, dear.” “OK darling,” said Bill, “but as I’ve got no time […] More

  • Never Forget The Gift!

    The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner. The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside. “You’re all grown men,” he […] More

  • Perfect Match!

    A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman… I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.” “Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.” “Yes, there was a […] More

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