Miscellaneous Jokes

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  • Fate Bought Me Those Shoes

    A woman had bought lots of shoes over time and she decided it was time to kick the habit. She really took it seriously, even changing her driving route to avoid her favorite shoe store. One evening, however, she arrived home carrying a shoe box. Her husband grinned at her, but it didn’t faze her […] More

  • President Obama and David Cameron…

    President Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each. President Obama goes first: “What will the USA be like in 100 years time?” The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him […] More

  • Go See If Am I There

    The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there. “Please,” protested the college president, “you already make more than the entire History Department.” “Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.” He went out into the hall […] More

  • Too Much Flirting

    John looked tense. His friend asked him the reason for his worry. John said he had received a letter from somebody threatening him of dire consequences if he did not stop flirting with his wife. The friend says, “Then what’s the problem? Just stop flirting with his wife.” John replies, “I would, but the letter […] More

  • Special Order

    A man goes into a coffee shop and says, “I would like one of your special breakfasts.” “No problem,” comes the reply from behind the counter. “But I want it my way,” says the man. “What do you mean ‘your way’?” asks the waiter. The man says, “Well, I want the eggs only half done,” […] More

  • Human Beans

    A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence. “My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy. A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.” More

  • Italian neighbor

    John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn’t look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. he looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes […] More

  • What is the Answer?

    One night four college students were out partying late night and did’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to […] More

  • Dream

    Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.” More

  • Traffic Court

    A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write, ‘I will not run […] More

  • Amateur Cook Book

    MONDAY: Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when my friends came over for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for […] More

  • The Practical People

    A Lady was conducting her anti drinking campaign outside a bar. A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes and the Lady said, “Reflect !! If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor… Do you think the Lord will let you in ???” “My good woman,” passionately […] More

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