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Citizen bus tour

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, “Driver, I believe that I was se_xually harassed!” The driver didn’t think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later, that very same day, as the passengers ... Read More »

Silent

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.” Read More »

Infrequently

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time. They decide it’s finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work. They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel ... Read More »

How retired folks stay happy and occupied

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and ... Read More »

The Umbrella

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?” The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out ... Read More »

Too Old To Drive

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.He said with excitement, “You appear quite elderly to be driving.” “Well, ... Read More »

Your chances are better…

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing. “Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend. “Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.” Read More »

Ice Cream

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, “I am going to get a dish of ice cream now.” Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. “I’ll write it down so you don’t forget,” she said. “I won’t forget,” the old gent said. “But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. ... Read More »

I need your help, Doctor!

An elderly patient went to the doctor. “I need your help, Doctor,” he said. “Do you remember those voices in my head which I’ve been complaining about for years?” “Yes.” “Well, they’ve suddenly stopped.” “That’s good. So what’s the problem?” “I think I might be going deaf.” Read More »

When we got married..

An elderly couple was having their first major row after thirty-six years of marriage. “When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey,” the wife said. “I know,” said the husband, “but I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.” Read More »

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