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Lottery

Two old married men chatting in a bar. First man says, “Have you ever thought that marriage was a bit of a lottery?” The second man replied, “Not at all. At least you have a slight chance with a lottery.” Read More »

Confessions

Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, “You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long.” The second lady ... Read More »

$2 model

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman. “Anything from $2 to $2,000.” “Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man’s neck, and said: “You just stick this button in your ... Read More »

Old Aunt Dora

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night.” “No,” the doctor ... Read More »

I tried..

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperṃ count.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The ... Read More »

Shaking hands

Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved this morning, I cut my face.” The second old fogey one-upped him and said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers.” The third old man ... Read More »

Symptoms

A Doctor recently had a patient “drop” in on him for an unscheduled appointment. “What can I do for you today?” the Doctor asked. The aged gentleman replied: “Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath… Doctor, I’m scarred!” The ... Read More »

Burglary trial

The old man was a witness in a burglary trial. The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I plainly saw him take the goods.” The lawyer asked again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him do it.” ... Read More »

A Risk For All Seasons

My elderly mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk. Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too!” Read More »

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