Breaking News
Home » Old Age Jokes (page 2)

Category Archives: Old Age Jokes

Feed Subscription

The Umbrella

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?” The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out ... Read More »

Too Old To Drive

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.He said with excitement, “You appear quite elderly to be driving.” “Well, ... Read More »

Your chances are better…

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing. “Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend. “Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.” Read More »

Ice Cream

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, “I am going to get a dish of ice cream now.” Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. “I’ll write it down so you don’t forget,” she said. “I won’t forget,” the old gent said. “But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. ... Read More »

Wet Smokers

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Lady 1: What’s that? Lady 2: A condom. Lady 1: Where’d you get it? Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore. The ... Read More »

Cookies

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, ... Read More »

Social Security Office

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and ... Read More »

I need your help, Doctor!

An elderly patient went to the doctor. “I need your help, Doctor,” he said. “Do you remember those voices in my head which I’ve been complaining about for years?” “Yes.” “Well, they’ve suddenly stopped.” “That’s good. So what’s the problem?” “I think I might be going deaf.” Read More »

When we got married..

An elderly couple was having their first major row after thirty-six years of marriage. “When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey,” the wife said. “I know,” said the husband, “but I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.” Read More »

The New SUV

Two old friends were chatting. One said to the other, “My 85th birthday was yesterday. The wife gave me an SUV.” Other guy responded, “Wow, that’s amazing! Imagine that, an SUV… what a great gift!” “Yup! Socks, Underwear, AND Viagra!” Read More »

Scroll To Top