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370HSSV-0773H

Last week Putin received a coded message, reportedly from Ukrainian Parliament. It read: 370HSSV-0773H Putin was stumped and asked his Prime minister what the message could mean. The minister was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top russian programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it. Knackered, the programmers sent it to the Secret Police. The ... Read More »

Half

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long ... Read More »

Once Upon A Time

A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with “Once Upon A Time?” “No,” he replied. “A whole lot of them begin with ‘If elected, I promise …'” Read More »

Try that

Dear Boss, I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well, given me benefits beyond belief. I have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and a health plan that most people can only dream about. Despite this I plan to take ... Read More »

Going to fight

A political candidate stood on a platform and announced to the assembled crowd that he was going to fight radicalism, socialism, communism, and anarchism. One old man snorted and said, “I’ll vote for you when you can do something about rheumatism.” Read More »

Member of the United States Congress

A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?” “What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Congress?” “Well no,” the tourist ... Read More »

Gratitude

A priest went into a Washington, D.C., barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the ... Read More »

Political speech

Politician was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak off to the bar. An hour later, with the politician still talking, another man joined them. “Is he still talking?” they asked him. “Yes.” another man answered. “What on Earth is ... Read More »

Republican or Democrat?

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re ... Read More »

Bush vs. Osama

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dogfight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female ... Read More »

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