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Bush vs. Osama

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dogfight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female ... Read More »

Vote for Me

A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group of politicians. A Congressman quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, “I’m the local MP and I hope you’ll vote for me in the next General Elections.” ... Read More »

370HSSV-0773H

Last week Putin received a coded message, reportedly from Ukrainian Parliament. It read: 370HSSV-0773H Putin was stumped and asked his Prime minister what the message could mean. The minister was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top russian programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it. Knackered, the programmers sent it to the Secret Police. The ... Read More »

Half

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long ... Read More »

Once Upon A Time

A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with “Once Upon A Time?” “No,” he replied. “A whole lot of them begin with ‘If elected, I promise …'” Read More »

Try that

Dear Boss, I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well, given me benefits beyond belief. I have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and a health plan that most people can only dream about. Despite this I plan to take ... Read More »

Going to fight

A political candidate stood on a platform and announced to the assembled crowd that he was going to fight radicalism, socialism, communism, and anarchism. One old man snorted and said, “I’ll vote for you when you can do something about rheumatism.” Read More »

Member of the United States Congress

A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?” “What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Congress?” “Well no,” the tourist ... Read More »

Obama’s New Health Care Plan

Virtually every professional discipline within the American Medical Association’s membership has decided to weigh in on the new health care plan being developed by President Obama’s team, with varying thoughts and recommendations. The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the ... Read More »

Bedouins

Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert when one gets something blown into his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, “Hold still Abdul, it might be sand.” Read More »

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