Doctor Jokes

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  • Nurse’s Revenge

    A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to […] More

  • Dentist

    A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him […] More

  • Why are you crying?

    Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face. The other guy asked, “Why are you crying?” The first one replied, “I came here for blood test.” The second one asked, “So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?” The first guy replied, “No. Not […] More

  • Six months to live

    “Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news,” the doctor told his anxious patient. “You only have six months to live.” The man sat in stunned silence for several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically announced that he had no medical insurance. “I can’t possibly pay you in that time,” he said. “OK,” the doctor […] More

  • Question to dentist

    Dorothy went to visit her dentist with broken teeth. While she was seated on the dental chair, she asked the dentist, “Before you start working on me, I have a question. Will I be able to play the Saxophone when you are done?” The dentist replied patiently, “Of course you will!” Dorothy exclaimed , “Oh […] More

  • Two psychiatrists

    Two psychiatrists had taken the evening off to have some fun and are enjoying a ride on a bike. They have an accident and one of them, who had taken a bad fall, in grievously injured, with cuts, bruises and a lot of bleeding. The other sits by his side and asks, “Do you want […] More

  • Medical Check-up

    An old codger goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the poor old bloke is hard of hearing. After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, “Right, I’ll need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis.” The old man didn’t quite hear […] More

  • Better Both Visit the Doctor

    This old man in his eighty’s got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, “Where are you going ?” He said, “I’m going to the doctor.” And she said, “Why? Are you sick?” “No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.” So his wife got up […] More

  • Terrible Constipation

    A man went to the doctor and complained that he had the most terrible constipation. The doctor examined him and then gave him a prescription for some tablets to be taken last thing at night. Two weeks later the patient returned for a check-up and the doctor asked him how his constipation was. The doctor […] More

  • Benefits of Green Tea

    A young woman arrived to her doctor with black and blue signs of beating. Doctor, “What happened?” Woman, “Doctor, I do not know what to do, whenever my husband comes home drunk he beats the hell out of me, almost killing me.” Doctor, “I have a really good medication for it. When your husband comes […] More

  • Pneumonia

    A patient suffering from a nasty cold visited Dr. D Costa and said groaning, “Doctor, can you cure my terrible cold? It has made things hell for me for the last four or five days.” Having never read about any confirmed cure for common cold, the young, over-zealous doctor advised after much initial hesitation, “You […] More

  • In cider

    A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider. “Why do you want a glass of cider?” the teacher asks. “To take away the pain,” sobs the little girl. “What do you mean?” the teacher asks. “Well,” sobs the little […] More

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