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Monthly Archives: September 2014

Time to chat

Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat. “I’m sorry dear,” said Bill, “but I’m up to my neck in work today. I don’t have time to chat.” Sally replied, “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, dear.” “OK darling,” said Bill, “but as I’ve got no time right now, just give me ... Read More »

Birthday Party

For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: “You are not getting older. You are just getting better.” Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.” It wasn’t until the good doctor was ready to ... Read More »

The Gift

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. ... Read More »

Star power…

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project — an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles. Spielberg really hoped to have the box office “oomph” of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, as ... Read More »

Do you play?

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises. “Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?” “Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.” Read More »

Not to peek

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into ... Read More »

I Need a Job

Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough consultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can use already.” Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk. If you have too many, I’ll start ... Read More »

Falling on Deaf Ears!

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, “Boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn’t stop!” The other Buddy says, “When my wife goes off on me I just don’t listen.” “How do you do that?” says the other. “It’s easy! I turn ... Read More »

Husbands nicknames

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their se x lives. Karen said, “I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does.” Joanne giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.” Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, “Well, what do you ... Read More »

Witnessing Childbirth

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little ... Read More »

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