Military Jokes

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  • Sergeants

    Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Leroys says, “Hey, Jasper, there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in.” “But we’s privates,” protests Jasper. “We’s sergeants now,” says Leroy, pulling him inside. “Now, Jasper, I’m a-gonna […] More

  • Fall out

    As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. […] More

  • Here Sir!

    During the first day of Navy Boot Camp, the lieutenant in charge had a stack of cards with each person’s name on it. He said, “When I read of your name, I want you to step forward, say ‘Here sir’, then salute me, and then get back to where you were!” Lieutenant: “Andrews!” Andrews: “Here […] More

  • A bit apprehensive…

    As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. “Scared, Lieutenant?”, I asked. He replied, “No, just a bit apprehensive.” I asked, “What’s the […] More

  • My Wonderful Sergeants

    Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. “My sergeants are wonderful”, said one soldier. “I wish I could say the same about mine,” said the other. “You could if you could lie as I do.” More

  • Join the Army

    A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army. “But wait a minute,” said the listener, “She’ll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won’t she?” “Sure,” replied the man. “Well? Won’t they find out?” “And who’s gonna tell?” More

  • Army Girl

    “Daddy,” said my 10-year-old daughter, “I think I want to join the Army.” “Baby,” I answered, “I think the Air Force would be a better option for you.” “But I don’t want to be a pilot.” “You don’t have to be a pilot,” I told her. “There are other jobs in the Air Force.” Her […] More

  • We Want It Back

    A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California. The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?” One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, “We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by […] More

  • Post Turtles

    While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old veteran, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate of the military hospital, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to generals and their role as our leaders. The old veteran said, “Well, as I […] More

  • Military Training

    Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do? So all of the recruits […] More

  • Who Is Calling?

    The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational. Jim answered, “We’ve got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in.” There was a stony silence for a second or two. “Do you know who you are […] More

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