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Monthly Archives: September 2014

Cuckoo Clock

At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk. I came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. I was very proud of myself. The next day, my wife asked what time I got home, and ... Read More »

Cutting wood

This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a ... Read More »

Don’t Mess with Kids

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?” ... Read More »

Be strong honey

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, ... Read More »

Wedding night

A guy on his wedding night in the hotel says to his new wife “geez, I never realized you had such big breasts.” The wife gets all upset and throws him out. While he is sitting in the hall another guy comes out down the hall. “What happened?” asks the first man. “Well” replies the other “I first saw my ... Read More »

Wait Your Turn!

A youngster rushed into a barber’s shop and asked to be given a haircut and a shave immediately. “You wait your turn young man,” said the barber, “I will get to you after the others waiting before you have been attended to. It will take an hour or two.” The young fellow ran out of the barber’s shop. He came ... Read More »

A New York Lawyer

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a ... Read More »

New Mercedes

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She ... Read More »


After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: “How did your game go? The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round … making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a “Rider” was. ... Read More »

The Secret Airbase

United State Air Force has a high security, super secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” One afternoon, a Cessna landed at this “secret” base. The aircraft was immediately impounded and the pilot was interrogated. The pilot’s story was that – he took off from Vegas, got lost & spotted the Base just as he was about to ... Read More »

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