Hot Jokes Funny jokes to tell & share

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. “Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands. “At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the ... Read More »

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother. “He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and ... Read More »

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” The young man blurted out. “To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” The professor stared ... Read More »

This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office. His lawyer says: “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” “Give me the bad news first,” he says. “Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars,” his lawyer informs him. “That’s the bad news?” asks the man incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.” “The ... Read More »

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.” “Well, tell me!” the man said. The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and ... Read More »

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, but he tells the barber he probably can’t get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. ... Read More »

One day a Professor was talking about marriage in the class. Professor: What kind of Wife would you like Little Johnny? Little Johnny: I would want a wife like the moon. Professor: Wow !!! What a choice… So you want her to be Cool & Calm like the moon? Little Johnny: No, no… Professor: Oh, so you want her to ... Read More »

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?” “The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.” Read More »

A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary, so he bought her a $100 see-through nightie. That night, she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightie was still in its box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said: “Jesus, for $100 they could’ve at least ironed it!” Read More »

A husband and a wife were sleeping. Suddenly, a sound of a car screeching was heard outside. The wife woke up and shouted, “Oh it must be my husband!” The husband woke up after he hear his wife’s words and ran off to hide in a bush outside. Moments later, the husband came in, angry. Husband: “What do you mean ... Read More »