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Monthly Archives: May 2015

Planning WWIII

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?” The barman says, “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?” Bush says, “We’re planning WW III.” And the ... Read More »

At the mall

A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get ... Read More »

Color

A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made. When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride-to-be said “White”. The tailor was a bit surprised by this, and said, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, ... Read More »

Drunk Driving!!!

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles ... Read More »

Anger versus Exasperation

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.” With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who ... Read More »

Free meat

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She ... Read More »

Animal Pictures

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. “Very good Sally,” the ... Read More »

Stony silence

A mother-in-law sent two ties to her son-in-law. Some weeks later, she was invited for lunch, and so he wore one of them in the hope of pleasing her. The meal was a tense and uncomfortable one, with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence. Finally she spoke. “Alright, what’s wrong with the other tie?” Read More »

Special?

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants ... Read More »

Doctor: What’s wrong?!

Doctor: What’s wrong with your brother? Boy: He thinks he is a chicken. Doctor: really? How long has this been going on? Boy: Five years. Doctor: Five years! Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs. Read More »

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