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Yearly Archives: 2016

Live until ninety

“Do you think I shall live until I’m ninety, doctor?” “How old are you now?” “Forty.” “Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?” “No. I don’t drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I don’t have any vices.” “Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another fifty years for?” Read More »

Guilty in traffic

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not run a red light’ five hundred ... Read More »

Dear Alcohol

Dear Alcohol, We had a deal… you would make me prettier, funnier and a better dancer. I just saw the video of the company Christmas party. WE NEED TO TALK! Read More »

Celebrating

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job. Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks. However, it wasn’t his glowing ... Read More »

Santa Claus

Santa Claus needed a vacation. He decided to go to Texas because it was warm and he had heard that the people were friendly. As soon as he arrived in town, people began to point and say, “Look! The big red one! Isn’t he someone famous?” Santa thought, “Gee, I’ll never get any rest if people star asking to sit ... Read More »

Christmas shopping…

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant. “That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened.” Read More »

The happiest day

Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage. He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “Congratulations Harry! I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with ... Read More »

That’s A Smart Boy

A little boy goes to the doctor and tells him, “I’m smart Doc!” The doctor says, “Really?” He then points to the boys foot and says, “What’s that?” “That’s my foot.” “Very good,” says the Doc. “What’s that?” he asks, pointing to the boys knee. “That’s my knee.” “Excellent.” “Now, what’s that?” he asks, pointing to the boys elbow. “My ... Read More »

Money to charity

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. “You should give that money to charity,” said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, “No, I’ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity.” Read More »

Good progress

A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress. “You call this progress?” snapped the patient. “Six months ago, I was Abraham Lincoln. Now I’m nobody! Read More »

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