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Monthly Archives: June 2016

50 Cent Lobster Tales

A gentleman enters a restaurant and asks the waitress what was on special. She replied, “Today we have lobster tales for 50 cents.” He said, “I’ll take a dozen!” She told him since it was a special he would have to pay in advance which he did. Then she said, “Are you ready for your first tale?” He assured her ... Read More »

Saving money

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars. Read More »

Upright Citizen

A fellow was boasting about what a good citizen he was and what a refined, disciplined lifestyle he led. “I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t gamble, I don’t cheat on my wife, I am early to bed and early to rise, I work hard all day, and attend religious services faithfully.” Very impressive, right? Then he added, “I’ve ... Read More »

The only pleasure

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes that are clearly undersized for him. The salesman says, “But, sir, I can see from up here that you’ll need much bigger shoes than that.” The guy says, “That’s OK, please bring me the smaller ones.” The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into ... Read More »

We Found the Driver

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his ... Read More »

One Fine Day

One day a husband says to his wife, “Today is a fine day!” Next day he says it again. “Today is a fine day.” Again next day, he says same thing, “Today is a fine day.” Finally after a week, the wife asks her husband, “Since last week, you are saying today is a fine day. I am fed up. ... Read More »

A Wife’s Patience

Husband: You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you. Wife: Nonsense! it’s only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well.. Read More »

Lawyers Get Robbed

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two’s hand. Without looking down, ... Read More »

President Obama and David Cameron…

President Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each. President Obama goes first: “What will the USA be like in 100 years time?” The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout. He reads it ... Read More »

A Friendly Sale

I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $30 apiece. I needed to leave for a few minutes, so I asked him to watch them for me. “Sure,” he said, “but if someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?” “Try for more, but I will accept $15,” I said, and left. When I ... Read More »

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