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Monthly Archives: August 2016

After waiting..

The doctor’s office was crowded as usual, but the doctor was moving at his usual snail’s pace. After waiting two hours, an old man slowly stood up and started walking toward the door. “Where are you going?” the receptionist called out. “Well,” he said, “I figured I’d go home and die a natural death.” Read More »

Help me!

A waiter suddenly became ill and was rushed to the hospital. He was lying on the operating table in extreme pain when he saw an intern go by. “Doctor, help me!” pleaded the waiter. “Sorry,” replied the intern. “That isn’t my table.” Read More »

End of story!

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. “Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!” Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results. He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling. “Look, Bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! End of ... Read More »

I guessed FIVE

A little boy came home from kindergarten with a blue ribbon. When his mommy asked him “What is the blue ribbon for?” he proudly announced, “I won!” When pressed for details he simply said, “The teacher asked all of us to guess how many legs a cow has. When my turn came, I guessed FIVE.” “Five?” his mother gasped, “but ... Read More »

Someone who is responsible

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, “In this job we need someone who is responsible.” “I’m the one you want,” the man replied. “At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.” Read More »

Plumber’s truck

Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned from work early and saw a plumber’s truck in the driveway. “Lord,” he pleaded, looking skyward, “please let my wife be having an affair.” Read More »

Quickest way to New York

A man approached a local in a village he was visiting. “What’s the quickest way to New York?” The local scratched his head. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the stranger. “I’m driving.” “That’s the quickest way.” Read More »

Public speaking skills

The veteran politician, not known for his public speaking skills, was going to give a speech at the Olympics. He looked at the teleprompter and began, “O, O, O, O, O.” An aid quickly ran over and told him, “That is the logo sir.” Read More »

Great team

Coach: We have a great team this year. So far we have had no losses, no draws and no goals scored against us. Reporter: How many games have you played? Coach: The first one is next Sunday. Read More »

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